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October 26th, 2006


02:20 pm
well the good news is that it isn't my blood sugar. in fact my blood sugar is down. yea me! but the bad news is that they don't know what's wrong with me. they took some more blood to do a lithium level and a thyroid level (did you know my thyroid is messed up too?) and a blood count. results should be in by tomorrow or monday.

anyways. so i got up this morning and was getting ready for work, i still felt yucky but i was going to make it to work. then i had a bagel and i started feeling REALLY sick to my tummy. so i called in to work and called the doc to let her know the worsening of that symptom. she didn't really say anything. now my head is killing me.

i'm starting to wonder if maybe i just have the stomach flu. or maybe it's stress. i know for sure it's not my normal nervous tummy. but i don't know, maybe i'm stressed out and don't really realize it? i don't know. i just know that something is wrong with my body. after all the surgeries and all the changing of meds i know my body and i know something is wrong. but i don't think my doctor really believed me. maybe this will just go away. i hope so.
Current Mood: confusedconfused

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October 24th, 2006


05:51 pm
i fear i have found the reason i have been feeling so ill lately.

i had to go have some blood taken for my ususal labs and i had to fast for 14 hours before hand. no biggie. so i fasted and i went and then when i got to work i had something to ate and felt fine and then drank a snapple. peach. not long after finishing it i started to feel ill again. like i did over the weekend, weak and tired and shakey. only it kept getting worse and worse.

so now i'm convinced that it's my blood sugar is messed up.

so i came home and had some soup and some cottage cheese and i've been feeling a little better. i also rode my bike some. i've run out of time to put off taking care of my body. i was reading just now the different things that having diabetes can do to your body. i almost started to cry thinking that i have done this to my body. i hope it's not to late. i get it now. i see it. i FEEL it. i understand what it means to treat my body like crap.

i never put it together before but i do now. i've always treated my body badly. i thought that behavior had peaked when i was cutting myself. and the fact that i don't do that any more made me feel that i had stopped that way of living. but i haven't. i'm still killing myself.
Current Mood: depresseddepressed

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October 22nd, 2006


04:22 pm
i want to try to write in her more often. or at all.

i haven't been feeling very well for the past few days. basically i feel like i'm either on some kind of pain med or that i forgot to take my daily meds. i feel weak and shakey. i don't know what's wrong. maybe i'm just crazy? well, i AM crazy. but maybe this is just me recovering from a stressful week as well as my body trying to fight off a cold. i dunno. but if it doesn't go away soon i'll call my doc. the part that scares me is that i'm on lithium and it can build up in your system and cause damage. i really really really hope that's not what's wrong because things have been fantastic since i started lithium and i really don't want to have to change.
Current Mood: indescribableindescribable

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July 28th, 2006


11:56 pm
i don't like being crazy.......sometimes.
Current Mood: confusedconfused

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July 16th, 2006


10:48 am
on july 28th @ 5:30pm the dresden dolls are doing a small performance and cd signing at sonic boom records. i LOVE them so i'm totally going. stauche doesn't really want to go though cuz he's a poop. does anyone want to go with me?
Current Mood: excitedexcited

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June 2nd, 2006


10:29 pm
i feel so alone.

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December 7th, 2005


07:11 am - awful
staying home from work today. i can barely breathe without coughing let alone talk. but i still feel kind of bad. i've been missing work the past couple of weeks cuz of my tummy. but at least i got that sorted out. now this. i know i'm doing the right thing. my health comes before anything else. but i worry what the people at work will think ya know? will they think badly of me? will my bosses think i'm faking it? it's funny, i usually trust people off the bat. i ususally believe that what they tell me is the truth. but at the same time i assume that they will think i'm lying. why is that?
Current Mood: sicksick

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August 30th, 2005


12:09 pm - they must be stopped
we need to rally together and fight this menace folks. it's gettting quite out of hand. they must be stopped. who you might ask? the pg-13 people that's who. their power is growing at an alarming rate. now every time i watch tv i see a commercial for a new movie. it looks pretty good, i think to myself, we might go see that. it's a scary type movie. i like good scary type movies. but then it happens. as the commercial starts to close that voice, the one that just made this movie sound awesome, breaks my heart as he says "pg-13". NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how can it be pg-friggin-13!!!??? what is she possesd by? little demon bunnies?? you know, the ones with the red eyes. ooooooooo scary........


*sigh* i'm not kidding. they need to be stopped. or i need to give up on movies all together. thank goddess that stauche and i have gotten into anime.
Current Mood: aggravatedaggravated

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July 15th, 2005


08:21 pm - gaming advice
i know, i never write. it's only because my life is terriably boring.

but i know at least some of you out there play video games and we just got a ps2 and i want to get a role playing game but don't know which one. here's the trick, i'm not terriably good at video games. i want a role playing because the fighters and/or shooters totally kick my ass. we got full metal alchamist cuz we thought it was an rpg but it's not. it's a fighter. (but the show is awesome and we've been getting it on dvd)

so yeah. any advice? anyone? . . . . . . anyone? . . . . . . . buler? . . . . . . . buler? . . . . . .

sorry. had to sneak that ref in there. can you belive that i work with a girl who when i mentioned ferris buler's day off had NO idea what i was talking about? *boggle* she's a sweet girl though so i forgive her. she's just young.

jeez. i'm sort of babbling huh? i think i'm manic. great. i just hope it stays in this phase (the bubbly phase) and doesn't move to the irritated or distructive phases.

ciao!
~ cry
Current Mood: sillysilly

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April 30th, 2005


10:03 pm - *squeak*
went to see hitchhiker's today. loved it. would have enjoyed it more if i wasn't so sick. very sick. can't stop coughing. anyways. saw a trailer that made me squeak with joy. it's called serenity and it's basically firefly the movie. same cast. same story. only since the show got cut off WAY to soon we actually get to see the story of river (the telepathic chick). you can see the trailer and stuff at www.serenitymovie.com

again, all i can really say is *squeak*

and if you were a fan of the show i think you'll agree.
Current Mood: excitedexcited

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